I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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