it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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