I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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