i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
