I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
