I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
