I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
