Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
