I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
