what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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