i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
