dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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