Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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