I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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