If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
