I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
