ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
