Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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