very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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