I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
