U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
