It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
