So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
