I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
