My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
