she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
