I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
