No stitches, just platelets and will power
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
