My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
