Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
