I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
