wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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