why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
