So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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