I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
