so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
