2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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