five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
