I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
