if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
