I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
