What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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