Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
