You made me cry and you don't even care
Non-Jews are for practice
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
