And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
