i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
