all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
