alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?