dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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