Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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