i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's the barista slut.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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