HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
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So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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