MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
