lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
