maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
