question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
