So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
