I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
