$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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