Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
