did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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