Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
