you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
