I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
