Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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