i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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